Bill walks up to the door and presses the doorbell. The doorbell says, “Ding dong,” and ushers in our hostess. Oh Karen, her little Bible Study. The diligently prepared desserts and Columbian coffees. Oh how she loves to play grown-up and entertain a host of… ding dong, time to fetch the door! So in comes Bill to be greeted by a group of grasping hands, all teeth and gums with welcomes to share. Bill’s eyes slide down to the super-fashionable, ultra-religious, “Jesus” bracelets that loudly ask a question meant to probe one’s heart. And yet this marketable statement of faith somehow doesn’t probe Bill, he’s just left wondering if the abstract couldn’t do the same.
So after the pastries and chocolates and coffees and introductions comes the Bible. Oh yes, the Bible. It doesn’t speak very loud but it has so much to say. But since everyone is so busy unzipping their ultra-fashionable, super-religious Bible covers they don’t even notice that poor Bill doesn’t have a Bible. That is, until he says something. Now what a pickle Karen is in, all that planning for nothing. But she spies hope! A guest Bible just for this occasion, when a heathen or gentile or Jehovah’s Witness or whoever comes over unequipped. How thoughtful she is. Well as soon as Bill gets his Bible and opens it up, the Bible starts saying all sorts of stuff. On page 221 it says, “I took my concubine, cut her up into pieces and sent one to…” Flip a few more pages and more of the same. Page 283: “The Lord will repay him for the blood he shed…May the guilt of their blood rest upon the head…” Page 580 is all in a fever with, “Instead of a fragrance there will be a stench, instead of a sash, a rope…”